Today marks one month since my mom passed. As I have eased back into my different roles and routines over the last weeks, so many perspectives have flooded my mind. I am overwhelmed because there is so much grace.
Earlier this week, I saw a therapy client that I had not seen since mid January, when we first learned of my mom’s terminal condition and I drastically reduced my work load. This client, like so many of mine, is in foster care. We have worked together for almost 2 years, and she is quite attached to me. When we began our session, she had her best behavior I had ever seen. She was polite, not impulsive and even asked me questions about my day. Unheard of! I could tell she wanted to say something that was difficult for her to put into words, but she eventually got out the following, “I’m really sad for you about your mom. I know your dad isn’t alive anymore either. I’ve been thinking, now you’re just like me. No mom, no dad. Aren’t you glad we have God and heaven?” A 7 year old orphan, relating to a 30 year old orphan.
Oh my heart. It was one of the speechless moments, that I had about 0 composure, and stuttered through the next few moments of our time together. Her ability to relate to my crisis was the most mature thing that I have ever witnessed her do. It was like 2 years of therapy improvement in 10 seconds.
Many have remarked on the tremendous amount of loss experienced in the last several months. I guess experts would refer to it as “compounded trauma.” This is true, but I have also seen exponential grace. At times it comes in unlikely ways, such as my sweet client. Other times it is from a student who has emailed me a prayer. It’s been the wonderful memories that I get to share with my siblings, who I cannot even express my thankfulness for (mom and dad, even though you were not together, thank you times infinity no universal reversals for these people who all bear your images)! It’s the friends who paid for house cleaning. It’s the friends who’ve made meals, sent cards, and delivered groceries. It’s been blogs that read like a salve. My favorite quote from it is this, “Maybe I’m on a journey, and the journey is more beautiful than any of us can comprehend. And if we did understand, we would hold very loosely to one another because I’m going to be with Jesus. There is grace that will seep into all the cracks and pained places when we don’t understand. In the places we don’t understand we get to seek. And how lovely is one seeking truth. Stunning.” Check out the full blog post here.
Some have asked us where we are at with the adoption. We do not know exactly. We will continue to be on hold for the maximum amount of time. We will also prayerfully seek wisdom. I can tell you this much…while I am an independent, adult woman with a family of my own, there is something really serious about this reality of not having earthly parents, no matter your age. While painful, I am also thankful for the ability to understand this reality a little bit deeper with my clients and orphans around the world.
(The picture you see are my plant parents. These are plants either from my father’s funeral, or my mom’s house. I do my best to keep them alive. (The spider plant is older than me))! 🙂